At Northwest Counseling, Inc., couples frequently come to us for marriage counseling, in the hopes that saving a marriage is the happy outcome.  As counselors we hope to help couples save their marriage, but we understand that both partners must be fully invested in the process to save the marriage.

We have heard the saying “It takes two to tango” and this is a reality when it comes to saving a marriage.  When both marriage partners are desirous of continuing their relationship and are willing to do the work that it takes to get there, the marriage can be healed and move forward.

Unfortunately many times when couples come to counseling, one partner already has one foot out the door or may have already filed for divorce.  Filing for divorce does not necessarily mean that the marriage will end, if each partner still has hope of saving the marriage, but when one spouse has no desire to continue in the relationship, it is less likely that the marriage can be saved.

What are some of the reasons that one spouse may not be interested in saving their marriage? Here are a few:

-They no longer feel love for their spouse.
-They are hurt so deeply that they don’t think they can heal.
-They are in love with someone else.
-They are tired of trying and don’t think counseling can help.
-They never wanted to be married in the first place and long for their independence.
-They have an addiction that they do not wish to give up in order to save their marriage.

It is refreshing to encounter a couple who wants to save their marriage and comes to counseling long before one or the other is already out the door.  Dealing with smaller  issues  before they become mountains, while both spouses are invested is the key to saving a marriage and well worth the work.
Deborah (Debbie) Pinkston, Ph.D.