There comes a time in many marriages when the question arises: “Should we try to save the marriage?” Sometimes hurts are very deep and the same issues come up again and again. Couples usually want to save the marriage, but are at a loss as to how to go about it. What they have tried hasn’t worked, and both partners end up feeling exhausted.

Is there any advantage to calling it quits? Does throwing in the towel and filing for divorce solve the issues? Sometimes this seems to be the only option for some couples who no longer have any idea how to save the marriage. It seems easier to walk away. But is it really the best solution?

When wrestling with this question, there are a few things to ask oneself:

  • Have I done everything I can, on my end, to be the spouse God wants me to be?
  • Have we sought godly counsel, not just one time but over the course of several months, until the major issues are resolved?
  • Have we prayed together for our marriage?
  • Do I demonstrate humility and willingness to make the needed changes in myself?
  • Am I willing to do the right thing, even if my spouse doesn’t seem to be doing what he/she should be doing?
  • Have I committed my marriage to prayer daily? Do I pray earnestly for God’s will to be done, no matter what that entails?
  • Am I willing to give up anything in my life that takes the place that God and my spouse should take (addictions, work, other relationships, etc.)?
  • Am I thinking about my own happiness over the happiness and wellbeing of my family?

These are tough questions, but ones that should be asked by couples who are contemplating divorce. It is my hope that if you and your spouse are at this point, you will take the time to prayerfully ask yourself these questions, and spend some time listening to what God wants to say to you.


Deborah (Debbie) Pinkston, Ph.D.